I realized something today…
That’s a lie.
I realized something last week, I should say. It began quite slowly, whispering softly to the depths of my soul. What the word was, I couldn’t tell you. It could be “Be careful.” It could be “Return.” It may very well not have been a word at all. But whatever it was, it was very alarming, yet gentle.
Come to think of it, it’s harder to describe then I would have thought. A gentle nudge. Pressing. Nagging?
Nagging… it doesn’t seem to fit the description. For if it were nagging, I would not be able to ignore it. This nudge, this word, this “sensation“, for lack of a better term, really was anything but blaring obvious. It was so soft, it could have easily been ignored. There are many loud things that call to me, even, on a day to day basis. Some pressing need that needs to be done, to a loud voice waving me over even to entertainment. This nudge would never have caught my attention had it not been accompanied by a gentle, though firm, conviction.
It was then I realized what it was.
I suppose in a way I am blessed. I’m merely a stay at home wife. Yes, I run two businesses that take up a large portion of my time, but I have more time than most to sit and commune with God. To learn, as Mary did at His feet. I can study the Word. I can pray. I can bask in His presence, I can ponder Him. But Martha has a bigger resonator with me. We could be twins, I think. I love to cook… to entertain others showcasing my food is a secret… is it secret?… dream of mine. Pride? I hope not! In fact, it’s rather funny, because truthfully I’m so shy I turn into a stuttering mess whenever someone speaks to me… But yet, the idea of serving… is that it?.. enthralls me. I can understand her desire to serve. I can understand her annoyance at being left alone in the kitchen. Come on! Pick up a dish towel. I cooked! Can’t you clean?
“And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Only ONE thing was needful…necessary… and Mary chose the better part.
It’s so easy to be caught up with the affairs of life. In fact, this is what this post is about. Not a finger wagging post on whether or not it’s okay to play Tetris for an hour a day.
Sometimes I think it’s the daily grind we have to be most wary of, and cautious in. It wasn’t video games, TV, or a nap that was pulling me. It was….. business. Important business. Don’t you know that if you don’t put in said hours, how can you turn a profit?
But I noticed, thanks to this nudge… this gentle persuasion, this gentle conviction that I was falling.
I tried to resonate with the Holy Ghost. But… don’t you WANT me to tithe? How can I tithe with no money?
“To obey is better then sacrifice…,” He murmured back into my soul… through… the voice of my sister!
“Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better then sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22
That was enough to silence me. He wants my whole heart. It’s not the monetary I can give… it’s my heart. My entire devotion. He is a Jealous God. He won’t share His glory. And why should He?
It’s so easy to slip! It’s so easy to become careless! It’s so easy to get into a mindset, without really realizing it, that I’ve “already attained”. My goodness, Jess, it’s a marathon not a sprint!
“(I)…do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. And be found in him…” Philippians 3:8 B-9 A
It’s so easy… to lose your First Love.
I am grateful to have the conviction. I would be most alarmed if I never felt it. The Lord loves who He chastises.
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten:” Revelation 3:19A
But there’s a catch. Recall how I said that this nudge, this voice, could easily be drowned out. The Lord watches for those that will be sensitive to the Spirit. Don’t quench the Spirit of God. When He speaks, listen, lest He give you up to your own evil desires.
“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22
I don’t believe I can contribute to God’s glory and greatness. What can I give the God who owns it all? I don’t believe I am better than my brother… but I surely don’t want God to remove “my candlestick.”(Revelation 2:5)
The Christian life is so much more than what meets the eye. The Bible says that with much hardship we will enter the Kingdom of God and I don’t believe that just applies to trials and tribulations, even though that is a great part of it. I believe it’s against self too. Flesh. Constantly having to put flesh under subjection and living for God is not always easy. I’m not sure if it’s ever easy at all! I have read “Strive to enter in…” too many times to believe that it’s possible to enter into His rest by skirting by. So, offer this personal insight into my life as a warning to you. Have you lost your zeal? Have you lost your fiery desire for the Lord? Have you waned in your devotion? Have you lost your First Love?
“…To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts.” Hebrews 4:7 B
“See that ye refuse not him that speaketh,…” Hebrews 12:25 A
Come to think of it, I wouldn’t doubt that the word whispered to my soul was “Be zealous and repent.” (Revelation 3:19 B)