It was the funniest thing. Consider that a figure of speech, because really and truly it’s anything but funny. Despite being on medicine (they even upped the dosage!) I have anxiety like a plague. It can be rather debilitating and I’m sure it’s not giving my heart a fighting chance sometimes with it’s talons gripping it.
God is good to me. I know that He has saved me. And that He is my Keeper. I know that He has sealed me with the Holy Spirit of promise, and yet, here comes anxiety (and the enemy of my soul) with this gripping – as a wanna-be writer I cannot even express how it is, or how he works) fear that I am lost and as soon as the heavens roll back as a scroll and my Savior appears I will be in the lake of fire.
And it happens more often then I’d like.
Usually around sunset.
While others (and myself on my “good days”) enjoy the colors of the sky, and the slowly darkening shadows I’m hyperventilating.
It’s sad. It makes me sad that I’m still dealing with this, this long in the game.
Yesterday was also my birthday- happy birthday to me- here’s some anxiety! My face must have been dragging on the ground. It’s hard spending your birthday alone. My husband had to work and my family is like billions of miles away. Even though I received phone calls from my family and messages even from strangers online, I was out of it yesterday. Anyway, my husband, probably noticing that I was out of it, said he’d take me to value village.
Don’t laugh. I am frugal and I am happy to be so. Going to value village is one of my most favorite things. Skirts for 10 and under, GET IN MY CART. He lovingly bought me, in advance some biking wear. I don’t have one yet. They say that you never forget how to ride a bike but I have, it’s been 12 years! I want one desperately though, and will teach myself. Anyway, sorry I got off topic… How do you bike wearing a skirt? I’m not sure, to be honest. So if you see a girl wearing a mini skirt (eesh, how immodest) and leggings – that’s me! Stylin’… not so much, but modest 😀 After all, everything you can do in pants, I can do in a skirt. Just takes some ingenuity.
It was a lovely evening. Warm, given it is not quite the end of April. Sunny! What a blessing! I had a paper bag full of new (to me) clothes, and a husband that loved me enough to drive nearly 1 hour each way after working all day, and yet, like clockwork… the sky began to change.
And my anxiety gripped.
I don’t know breathing techniques. I don’t do new age mantras. So I sat there, humming in my head (trying to drown out) the music on the radio.
Despite the unbearable feeling of gloom and death and damnation, I “heard” a line spoken over me. Not audible though.
“Be not terrified.”
Well my mind began racing! I knew it was something Jesus had said during one of the gospels where He spoke of the coming Tribulation. And yet, it spoke comfort over my soul.
Don’t be terrified.
Was it an instant fix? No. But it did stick with me long enough to get this typed out the next day.
Luke 21:9 But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass; but the end is not by and by.
Over and over I find myself stating the facts that the Great Tribulation is NOT God’s wrath, and that’s why we all will be here unless we die before then. The Great Tribulation is satan’s wrath. The Day of the Lord, the people of God will be spared from, is God’s wrath. God is in utmost control, but these wars and rumors of wars, and all else evil is of the devil.
Be not terrified.
Honestly I’m a “fearful” person. I try not to be. I claim the promises of God and trust as much as I can, and where I fall short I cry out for more faith. The devil scares me half to death. Honestly if I didn’t know that God was on my side, and greater is He who is in me then he who is in the world, my God, I wouldn’t survive.
1 John 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.
I know the story of Job well. I know that the enemy had to get God’s permission and he could only go so far. I know that his power is limited and that God is in control over ALL things, whether they are wonderful or look grim. He is sovereign. He is God alone. But yet… the enemy also has power and that’s what makes me go, why do so many think that they can take authority over him?
Look at when the demons answered, “Jesus I know and Paul I know but who are you?”
Acts 19:13-16 Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth. And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so. And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye? And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded
Don’t think he is powerless.
He has power, but God trumps it infinitely.
If you are truly Christ’s, you have authority in Christ to resist and rebuke, but if you are not filled with the Holy Ghost, if you are playing church, who are you?
Jude 9 Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee.
He is also very powerful, especially when it comes to the mind. He plants seeds of doubt, of bitterness. He twists the Scriptures. Don’t you know his aim is to seek, kill and destroy?
People assume that in hell it will be just one big party. They’ll be with all their buds. Don’t you realize he HATES you? Even more so if you are a child of God. He will stop at nothing until he destroys you. He despises God. He knows his time is short. He is reeking havoc like never before. People are developing hard thoughts of God. People are falling away. People are enticed. People die in sins who were once blazing for God.
Oh be careful!
As it stands right now, I took a small break- who am I kidding. I got distracted by social media. Eeesh. Regardless, a brother tweeted a clip of people burning each other to dispel evil spirits. I commented that it reminded me of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. The prophets of Baal were so desperate for this fake god to hear them that they began to cut themselves. Think of the demon possessed man in the bible, he cut himself. I must say, it would seem that cutting yourself is extremely demonic. The point I’m trying to make is that the devil doesn’t care about you. He offers all the shinies, but it’s false promises. Sure you may be rich now, if you give away your soul… in the time of the end, you’ll have food and be able to participate in society, but at the end of all this is death, hell fire, then the lake of fire.
Oh be careful!
As I was reading in morning in John 13, I got another revelation of the power of God over the enemy. And I couldn’t help but smile for a moment. God is so good. He is so great. The enemy only wishes he had God’s power. I can picture him sniveling, tapping his scaly fingers, whiny voice, “Now?”
In John 13 we read the account of the last supper. Jesus stooped and washed the feet of His disciples, even Judas!
John 13:1-5 Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end. And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him; Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.
Even in that menial position, washing feet- how gross are feet!, He was still in ultimate authority, sovereign and in control. How amazing is my God? He tells His disciples that they must take from His example to be lowly in heart, eager to serve vs. being served. If we humble ourselves here and now, God will surely exult us in His time. And His exultation of us is beyond what mere man could ever offer us. He continues, and says that one of them would betray Him and here comes the part that leaped out at me.
John 13:21-25 When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me. Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake. Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved. Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake. He then lying on Jesus’ breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?
Watch this carefully.
v26-27 Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give a sop, when I have dipped it. And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. And after the sop Satan entered into him. Then said Jesus unto him, That thou doest, do quickly.
There is the slimy accuser of the brethren, waiting, biding his time.
Revelation 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
Did you know he is patient?
Much more patient then me… maybe even most of us. He bides his time. He watches. He waits. He pounces. He attacks. He was doing what he does best. Waiting and watching. When Jesus gave the sop to Judas, Satan was given his permission. He couldn’t do anything but plant seeds. He couldn’t do anything but put the idea in his head and heart. He couldn’t do anything until that sop was given.
It’s rather remarkable.
It’s a terrible story.
It’s our redemption story!
Jesus, magnificent God, willingly offered up His life to redeem us vile creatures… get this.. WHILE WE WERE YET IN SIN.
You know, I don’t understand why men reject Him. What cause for love, what cause for honor! Oh how I love Jesus! To you who believe… He is precious!
All that to say… God is in control. The enemy cannot do anything without God’s permission. We need to get into our thick skulls that what God does is right, just, good and perfect. It’s not for us, now, to know why such and such happens. It’s for us to trust in the sovereignty of God. Be not terrified. Trust in God. He is our ever present Help in time of need. Lean on Him. Set Him always before you.